I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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