Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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