I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
