You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just gift wrapped bread.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
