TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Every concussion has its silver lining
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I lost the right to judge tonight
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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