He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize