I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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