i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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