Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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