thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
