escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
