Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
