She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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