i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
