I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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