i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize