I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
