The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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