Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
