Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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