I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
