is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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