You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
