for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
