I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
