smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
