I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
