Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
