i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
