Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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