it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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