if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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