I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
