She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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