if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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