So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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