I cockslap morals
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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