Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again