he thought i was a dude.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night