i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
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She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
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should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities