dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need to calm my uterus...