Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.