problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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