How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.