you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
