don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
