people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
