Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
