woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
