She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
