She is in my trunk
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
