Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
