those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
