that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
