you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
