Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
