Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's rum buckets o'clock
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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