Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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