so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
