Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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