Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
