You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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