I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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