i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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