Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
