It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
