Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
