Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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