i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
